Testing for performance enhancing drugs will be required prior to start of the 2013 Walkabout.
…subtitled: “What the hell happened last year?”
So, we’re about a week away from teeing it up for this years’ event and, over the course of the last few days, I’ve found myself unable to recall 2008. I know I was there, I remember that part. But some of the details are fuzzy. Strangely, having talked with at least four others who were also there, I find I’m not alone.
In an effort to form the collective memory, I’ve decided to record the things I do remember. Maybe you can help fill in some of the blanks.
- Goldenbond throwing up in his tent
- Going home Saturday night because Grace was in the emergency room
- Silver Elk won and decided to take the event to Florida
- I had two broken ribs, I definitely remember that…
- Brian cleaning out his garage and dumping his crap on us like China dumping tires
So how about you? What do you remember?
The following is a transcript of the presentation speech prepared by Speaks with Fish! as he handed over the Broken Arrow Sportsmanship Award. As is the custom of the tribe, it arrives in the form of a poem…
So begins the year of the Elk…
No longer a bride,
And finally — Chief of our Tribe!
The mission from Fook HQ was clear,
Don your tuxedo and bring lots of beer,
Cause Fook’ 007 will be a reason to cheer!
Who better to remind us we are men?
Bond. James Bond.
Hrm… or maybe that blonde across the pond!
Twelve of us came —
Wait, make that eleven —
No, instead it’s ten —
Now it’s eleven again… and then ten —
Cause Turtle Thunder is yaking in the Fook’n trash bin!
So who should receive this gift of dread?
It’ll be mine no more — that’s a relief!
Maybe, Turk… he doesn’t care about the money and just wants to be Chief.
No. Instead it’ll be someone who’s had lots of success.
Like someone who has no room left for embroidery on his collar.
From the high handicappers, can I get a hoop and a hollar!
To you Bullseye*, I bestow the sportsmanship award.
Now it’s not mine, thank you Lord!
Hear me very well, for it’s now a curse…
Kinda like a big fat “L”,
Or a secret-agent man-purse.
So as the sun sets on another Fookarwie,
And we enjoy these chops straight from the barbie,
To each I raise my glass…
Cause Fook’ 007 has been a blast!
TOP SECRET - FOR YOUR EYES ONLY -
ORIGINATION SOURCES COMPROMISED ON RELEASE
TO: FIELD AGENTS ELK, BULLSEYE, FLY, FISH!, BULL, HANDS, ARROW, BERRY, TURTLE, TURKEY, AND 071
SUBJ: SNEAKY VILLIAN INFILTRATION TO FOOKARWIE 007
IT HAS COME TO THE ATTENTION OF HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE LIAISON THAT INFAMOUS EXPLOITATION ARTIST AND EUROPEAN BASKETBALL STAR J. LINHART, AKA GOLDMEMBER AKA DR. EVIL AKA DR. NO AKA SULTAN OF SIMAR HAS ILLEGALLY CROSSED THE RIO GRANDE AND IS ENROUTE TOWARD MIDDLE AMERICA. APPARENTLY, THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH. HE AIMS TO GAIN A VIEW TO A KILL AND IMPLEMENT HIS LICENCE TO KILL.
OUR INTELLIGENCE ASSESSMENTS DECLARE HE COMES FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE AND THAT HE BELIEVES HE SHOULD LIVE AND LET DIE, SO EXERCISE EXTREME PREJUDICE AND YOU'LL DIE ANOTHER DAY. LAST SPOTTED NEAR CASINO ROYALE. OFTEN SEEN WITH OCTOPUSSY, WHO REPORTS HE IS A MAN WITH A GOLDEN GUN AND MAY HAVE LIVED TWICE WITH A SPY WHO LOVED HIM.
HE IS 6'2" TALL, 230LBS, WITH A GOLDEN EYE. ALSO MAY HAVE THUNDER BALLS AND BE VERY WELL ENDOWED, AS HIS CALLSIGN IS "MOONRAKER".
PHOTO PROVIDED FOR REFERENCE.
TERMINATE WITH ALL PREJUDICE OR, AT THE VERY LEAST, BEAT THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF HIM.
And you let her go because you think she could use a little time off, plus you know the Fook is coming and you’re trying to score a few points.
And you’re not even that concerned when she stumbles in and up to bed at 4am; you even chuckle a bit because you know that she’ll have a killer hangover in the morning.
The next day, you go outside to get the paper, sigh with relief when you notice the car is still in one piece. You walk around it doing a quick, bumper-to-bumper inspection, and everything looks perfectly fine.
Wait just a damn minute!
What the hell is that?
Was she out running with Chief Silver Elk again?!!
Tribe – it is my pleasure to unveil the Fook’n 007 theme logo.
– Speaks With Fish!
Dad sent this over today and I tell you, I wish I’d had this information years ago. I’ve always known there had to be some unique, perfect swing thought out there that the pros were using to help stay focused in moments of high tension, and now I have it.
In the interest of pure competition, I’ve decided to share it with all of you.
Already looking forward to the ’07 outing…