A Call From PornStach USA

I, for one, am not quite sure what to make of this. I think you’re all aware by now that the wiretapping program instituted by the Bush Administration has been declared unconstitutional. What you may not know, however, is that through some of my connections at the NSA I was able to obtain the following voicemail message left for our illustrious Chief from a company called PornStach USA.

While I am certainly ready to draw my own conclusions from this message, I felt that I should leave it up to each of you to draw your own. And, perhaps, give the Chief a chance to respond on his behalf before he’s drawn and quartered as a yellow-bellied, scum-sucking fraud.

But that’s just me.

[Listen to the (incriminating) voicemail message]


I’m Way Ahead of You


I have read with interest the remarks of my brothers. While I’m experiencing  some degree of trepidation about my life right now (I’m homeless, as most of  you know), I am looking forward to breaking bread and drinking firewater with  you all. And while I appreciate your concern regarding my welfare, rest assured  that steps have been taken to ensure compliance with all the rules as set forth  by the honorable Chief and agreed upon by all in attendance. 

In other words, I’m way ahead of all of you. Attached is a photo from our trip  to Michigan last weekend.

Yours in the faith and reverence for all that is hairy (or not, depending on  your personal preference),

Chief Stilts